Changes
Everyone has chance to change. Including you, me, her, him, and them.
Few months ago, for the past couple months I felt like I lost myself and was not able to be the best of me; I messed up and somehow disappointed with myself, over and over again.
Until I had long talks with a friend.
This friend had faced one super difficult moment in life that changed this friend entirely, to be a lot more better person. This friend had suicidal thoughts for quite long time that those thoughts were about be real, to be executed. Along the way facing those suicidal thoughts, this friend was looking for the answer of why this person needed to stay alive. I think this process of looking for answer is what saved this friend from actually suiciding.
Months passed by and many moments happened. Some people’s answers were disappointing, but this friend kept looking for answer, to eventually Allah SWT led this friend finding the reason of why this friend needed to keep carrying on and remaining alive.
This friend told me, “Allah, the only reason of why I must not kill myself and stay alive.”
As for me, it was a huge shock that particular reason coming out of the mouth of someone who was about to suicide. It was way too fascinating that a person who once lost hope to stay alive, found Allah SWT along the way.
This then friend told me the whole stories, the journey of finding the answers.
This friend added, “When no one, even yourself cannot help you and say that it is impossible for you, at that moment Allah is actually asking you to go back to Him. I had two choices, to die or go back. I chose the later. If I die, there are going to be ‘homeworks; in the hereafter waiting for me.”
The story slapped me in a good way that through it, Allah SWT showed me a way. I have been all wrong. My priority and focus messed up. The fact that I had been relying on people and myself is actually the reason of why I have been all struggling and disappointed. This is when I need to go back to Him and rely entirely only on Him, not anyone else, not even myself. For the entire of my life.
One thing I won’t forget, this friend told me, “I changed my perspective in life. I find it becomes easy for me to put my very best in everything I do, not for anyone, not for me, not for anything, but for Allah. I will not be worry even a bit, if I fail, since I do it for Allah’s ridho (acceptance) and Allah surely will reward me for the process.”
If I can successfully only rely on Him, that is when I can liberate myself from any disappointments, worries, and anything that can possibly break me.
If I can successfully only rely on Him, I will be a total bulletproof.
To change is not something passive. It requires us to move, to figure things out just like this friend who kept carrying on. To change requires us to improve, learn, and unlearn. The process will not always be easy, it might be exhausting, even sometimes it feels lonely and painful. To change is not something passive, we need to actively do something about it. Again, to change to be better is not something passive and easy, but it is beyond worthwhile.
“Allah will not change conditions of people until they change what is in themselves.” Ar-Ra’d verse 11
Thank you, friend, for letting me know about this story.
Alhamdulillah ‘ala kulli Haal
Praise be to Allah in any circumstances.
