Letter to Myself
Words that I supposed to tell to my own self earlier.
Few weeks ago — after six months of not seeing each other — I finally caught up with one of my very close friends, F. She is one among friends of mine who hates gossiping. Having talks with her is one of my favorite within our friendship that we always have positive talks and first & foremost, she is very good at listening and never judges, in which helping me so much to be very honest and vulnerable during our talks. Alhamdulillah
After vulnerably telling her about what I have been struggling, her piece of advice to me was spend time with your own self, reflect, and embrace your negativity then find ways to cope with it. After weeks of not doing what she suggested, finally, alhamdulillah, I do that advice this night.
Here are the words I supposed to tell to myself sooner than this night.
Dear Diella, at the moment, you feel like you do not know what you are doing. Whether you are on the right track or not, you have no idea about it. You have been driven away from yourself, yups, that what you think and feel. That’s okay, keep carrying on and ask His guidance, the only One who knows where you should head to is Him.
Dear Diella, you said something you regret to your loved ones, you felt something you regret about people around you, you decided something you regret. This is when you ego and iman (faith) are tested, whether you have enough humility to apologize or you still want to feed your ego.
Dear Diella, many times you fail to deal with disappointment. You are disappointed by your own self. You are disappointed by people around you. It’s a lesson you should be able to successfully learn that it is truly risky to rely on human beings — including to your own self. People have flaws and you do so. The only truthful and perfect One to depend is Him, the As Shamad, the All Perfect and One to Depend.
Dear Diella, you happened to be enamored of one guy. You gotta be careful of that feeling leading you to adore him more than Him, rely your happiness more on him than Him. All you need to do is just to improve yourself, to always learn achieving His love more than the love of His creatures. Take steps distancing from feelings that are not yet accepted by Him. Carry on the faith that you will be sent with the best one from Him. Otherwise, another disappointment will arise.
Dear Diella, you are poor, weak, and clueless, but you believe in the Al Ghaniy (the Richest), Al Aziz (the Powerful), and Al ‘Alim (the All Knowing). There are still many of His names of characters — the Asmaul Husna — that will always help you along the way. Keep that faith stronger and always ask His guidance both in your ups and downs.
Dear Diella, you wronged and you sinned, ask His forgiveness and protection in guiding what you do, say, think, and feel.
Dear Diella, keep that dream alive — to excel in this world as means to achieve His Jannah — that’s seem impossible, yes that’s impossible if you rely on yourself and other human beings, but it’s achievable if you rely on Him.
For anyone who feel you have been driven away from yourself, spend time with your own self, reflect, and embrace your negativity then find ways to cope with it.
