What Love Means
A reflection from a heartbreak, names of God, and a verse of the Qur’an
It took me a huge courage to ask the heaviest question to a man who I have known since the age of seven, who brought me the prettiest flower bouquet, who spared a handful of his rice when I was starving at our favorite duck stalls, who prepared a hiking bag, honey with a hand-written notes for my first ever mountain hike, who out of nowhere came to an event which I was the MC and became my most special uninvited guest, who gave me the thoughtful gifts, who accompanied me studying, who listened to my stories so attentively, who laughed at my silly jokes, whose eyes were soft, whose smile was comforting, whose gesture was so gentle — whom I deeply adore and who gave me the hardest heartbreak.
Only to find out that he was in a relationship with another woman while letting me experience all those sweet moments.
This experience taught me what love does not mean.
Love does not mean nourishing the ego.
Love does not mean dishonesty.
Love does not mean disrespect.
I had moved on by the way and I am glad no grudges left in my heart.
I found comfort to learn few of God’s names that teach me about love; Al-Latiif, Al-Rafiiq, Al-Shakuur, and Al-Waduud.
In Arabic, the word ‘Latiif’ comes from luft; the core meaning of this word is about gentleness, subtlety, and kindness. While Al-Rafiiq shares similar meaning of gentleness, the word Rafiiq is also used to mean a companion as one travels.
God’s names of Al-Latiif and Al-Rafiiq teach me that love means gentleness, kindness, and companionship.
The name Al-Shakuur means that God is The Most Appreciative. In Arabic, shakuur simply means gratitude and appreciation. Linguistically, its root is shiin-kaaf-raa, which is used to describe something that increases and grows what is given to it.
Speaking of gratitude, the other day, I found an article that covers a 75-Year Harvard Study on how to have a lifetime joy;
“The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.” — Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development. And the most loving and deep relationships are built on a very simple foundation: giving and gratitude.
God’s name of Al-Shakuur teaches me that love means gratitude and appreciation.
Lastly, in Arabic wudd means love. Specifically, the love that is expressed and manifested. It is different from the word hubb, which also translates as love but described as internal feeling — not manifested and expressed. And Al-Waduud comes from the same Arabic root as wudd, waaw-daal-daal. It conveys that God is The Most Affectionate; not only He is loving, He also shows His love.
God’s name of Al-Waduud teaches me that love should be expressed and manifested. Love is a verb, not a noun.
One of my favorite verses in the Qur’an talks about love is Ar-Ruum verse 21:
وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًۭا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةًۭ وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍۢ لِّقَوْمٍۢ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ ٢١
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.”
The key word here is tranquility.
My beloved Arabic word, Sakina — that I want to name my future daughter with — also translates as tranquility, peace, reassurance. This word is often used as a prayer for newlyweds to wish them a tranquil and peaceful marriage.
This verse teaches me that love means tranquility and sense of reassurance.
On top of the lessons above, I came to realize that love is to empower, accept, and guide — all is done with genuine care and truthfulness.
I really hope we all are always granted such beautiful love.
Love and stillness,
Diella
Note: The book I used as the main reference to learn about God’s names is ‘Reflecting on the names of Allah’ by Jinan Yousef.
